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Writer Notes
First short story in a series.
Related Work
Listen to the Reader
Discovering My Powers
By: Froggy417
I always knew I had powers. I remember one time when I was
three, I had a fit. Summer was at school and I was going to
have to spend the day without my best friend, and the next
thing I knew on the floor where I was standing there was a
snowflake made of ice. Jack’s eyes widened, then he let
out a sigh of relief whispering “finally”. He
called to Elsa, who was just returning from walking Summer to
school.
By the time Elsa came upstairs I was starting to cry. As soon
as my parents realized I was crying they both hugged me.
“It’s okay, you’re okay” Jack reassured
me.
“What happened? Did I just make that appear?” I cry
pointing at the snowflake on the floor.
“Yes, Flurry you have powers. Just like us.” Elsa
spoke softly, looking at Jack
“Powers?” I repeated “I have
powers?”
“Yes.” Jack started. “As you grow so will
your powers but don’t worry we will help you whenever
you need help.” He kneeled down and wiped tears out of
my eyes, and smiled.
“We will always be here for you” Elsa said
For the rest of the day my loving parents taught me a
little about my powers. The day had its ups and its downs, but
over all I had fun experimenting with the few things I was
capable of.
When the time came for Mom to go pick Summer up from
school, she looked at Jack and mouthed something I
didn’t understand. Then she kissed my forehead and left.
The thought of Summer brought a few questions to my mind.
Once mom walked out the door I turned to my dad and asked
“Does Summer have powers to? Does she know about my
powers?”
“No” He responded “And she can’t
know.”
“Why not?”
“It’s complicated, okay? Just promise me you
won’t tell her, Snow angel, keep it our secret.”
“I won’t” I promise, but I wasn’t
quite sure why I can’t tell my sister.
For the next few years when Summer was at school I would learn
more and more about what I could do.
Comments
Will
You say in your notes that this will be part of a series; and already you've done many things right. The story promises to take us on a journey wherein we'll be learning about the main character's powers as she learns about them herself: this puts us in close touch with her experience. I also lik...You say in your notes that this will be part of a series; and already you've done many things right. The story promises to take us on a journey wherein we'll be learning about the main character's powers as she learns about them herself: this puts us in close touch with her experience. I also like that Summer cannot know about her powers because this will create conflict and conflict keeps us interested and emotionally involved. I also like that your dialogue sounds real and natural.
The only glitchy place was on line 57. Because you left out the comma after the word 'won't', and then dropped the "d" on the word promise, my eyes ran through the sentence as though she were still talking; as in "I won't, I promise!"
But overall, I enjoyed this. Can't wait to read part 2.
The only glitchy place was on line 57. Because you left out the comma after the word 'won't', and then dropped the "d" on the word promise, my eyes ran through the sentence as though she were still talking; as in "I won't, I promise!"
But overall, I enjoyed this. Can't wait to read part 2.
- October 13, 2014
- ·
Froggy417
Right now i only have side stories that skip around in Flurry's life so I'll keep posting those when I can.
- October 13, 2014
- ·
sheepbo2002
Nice story. The characters are fun I wanna see what next (you should know the character I wanna see)
- October 17, 2014
- ·
Poll Results
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Is It Interesting? 3 Vote(s)
93.3333333333%
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Are the sentences smooth? 3 Vote(s)
96.6666666667%
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Is the narrative voice appropriate? 1 Vote(s)
90%
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Are the word choices good? 3 Vote(s)
96.6666666667%
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Is the dialogue believable (if any)? 3 Vote(s)
100%
Founded by Steve & Judy
You say in your notes that this will be part of a series; and already you've done many things right. The story promises to take us on a journey wherein we'll be learning about the main character's powers as she learns about them herself: this puts us in close touch with her experience. I also like that Summer cannot know about her powers because this will create conflict and conflict keeps us interested and emotionally involved. I also like that your dialogue sounds real and natural. The only glitchy place was on line 57. Because you left out the comma after the word 'won't', and then dropped the "d" on the word promise, my eyes ran through the sentence as though she were still talking; as in "I won't, I promise!" But overall, I enjoyed this. Can't wait to read part 2.